Today we’re talking about the nitty gritty - the reality of working intimately with your body. Be prepared for liquids, solids, and gases - just like we are! Our misconception of the week is that working in the adult industry will ruin sex for you, and Holly shares some of the interesting enquiries she’s received lately.
1.25: Bodily Functions
37:50 Misconceptions: Sex work ruins sex for you
42.53: Shit People Say: Do not swim with your hooker
Patreon (from $3AUD/month): http://www.patreon.com/somebodyyoupod
The Drum ABC 25/06/21: https://iview.abc.net.au/video/NC2107H105S00
Jenna’s big sex injury: https://youtu.be/nWm9rdU6IRY
Somebody You Love is sponsored by Assembly Four, empowering sex workers through technology: https://assemblyfour.com/
For more info on sex work in Australia, please check out the following organisations:
ACT (SWOP ACT): https://meridianact.org.au/swop/
NSW (SWOP NSW): https://swop.org.au/
NT (SWOP NT): https://www.ntahc.org.au/swopnt
Qld (Respect Inc): https://respectqld.org.au/
SA (SIN): http://www.sin.org.au/sindex.html
Tas (Scarlet Alliance): https://scarletalliance.org.au/links/
Vic (Vixen Collective): https://www.vixencollective.org/vc
WA (SWEAR): http://sexworkerrightswa.org
WA (Magenta): http://magenta.org.au
Jenna Love 0:00
Welcome to Somebody You Love or The Sale Of Two Titties. I'm Jenna love.
Holly Harte 0:08
And I'm Holly Harte.
Jenna Love 0:10
And we're experts in disappointing our parents breaching community guidelines, and banging the people who vote against our rights.
Holly Harte 0:19
Before we begin, we'd like to start by acknowledging the traditional owners of the land on which we're recording today, which for me is the Ngunnawal people.
Jenna Love 0:26
And for me is the Darug and Gundungurra people. We'd like to acknowledge that if you are listening to this podcast, in so-called Australia, that sovereignty was never ceded.
Holly Harte 0:36
We also want to make it clear up front that we can only speak from our own experiences. The sex working community is wonderfully diverse. And as white cis women, we have a lot of privileges within the industry, we can't speak on behalf of our peers who find themselves facing more severe stigma and discrimination than we do.
Jenna Love 0:52
It is our hope that by creating this podcast, we are able to help humanise sex workers. And eventually, if anyone even listens to us, we can provide a platform to share the voices that represent the diversity of the sex worker community,
Holly Harte 1:07
we will be discussing adult topics. So this podcast may not be suitable for those under the age of 18. And today, as you can tell from the title, we're talking bodily functions, so there will be talk of bodily fluids, and some general things people might find a bit gross. Here we go!
Somebody You Love 1:22
Jenna Love 1:26
We're going to talk about some of the logistics of sex work. Because the reality is that we do use and rely on our bodies for work, and often in pretty intimate ways. Before addressing this topic, though, I just want to talk about the kind of concept of sex workers selling our bodies. I mean, first up, we're not selling anything like it's a rental agreement at best.
Holly Harte 1:51
I like that. Obviously, we do use our bodies, but we obviously use our mind, probably more.
Jenna Love 1:58
Yeah, I think so.
Holly Harte 1:59
heaps. There are other professions that use and rely on their bodies, you know, athletes, miners, construction, even office work and put a strain on your body in various ways. And you still have to turn up and be there with your body, you know. So it's a really reductive thing to say that we sell our bodies because we use them as part of our labour. And definitely our mind, you know, as we've discussed on our last show, compassion and caring, and all of that sort of stuff, as well as the administrative side. And, you know, the way that we approach people when they contact us, even from the first message is engaging our brains. So yeah, it's very limiting to say we just sell our bodies.
Jenna Love 2:38
Definitely, actually, I was just listening to ABCs The Drum. That was on last night, this is Saturday. So it was on Friday night, because Bella Green was on it.
Holly Harte 2:47
She's so good.
Jenna Love 2:49
She's great. And they were talking about sex work, obviously. And so the way the programme sort of works is they get everyone that's on the panel to chat about each topic. So Bella, obviously was the main, the main interviewee for that section. But they spoke to everyone else about it as well. And there was a surgeon and, and she was sort of talking about how she spends her life treating people, for injuries and for for bodies that have broken down as a result of what they do with their body, which for most people is, is work. And we all have all these injuries. And she was she was Yeah, brought up that she doesn't know why, you know, sex workers are sort of denigrated for, you know, putting their bodies at risk or using their bodies. And it was really nice to hear that from a non sex worker, a medical professional. That's very refreshing. Yeah, very cool. do recommend checking out the end of the episode. And I also just think that the idea that you know, our bodies, are sold to somebody, and that's inherently bad is like, that sort of suggests that it means that somehow we're giving our bodies away by doing this job, and that we're giving ownership of our bodies away. And it's like the idea that somebody owns our body, because they've put their dick in it is some really patriarchal, arse bullshit. Like that's
Holly Harte 4:16
very well said,
Jenna Love 4:18
it doesn't make any sense to me.
Holly Harte 4:20
I agree. Look, so obviously, no, we don't sell our bodies. But we do use them along with our minds to do our job. And that means that there's a lot of practical things that we need to deal with in order to go to work.
Jenna Love 4:32
So bodily functions. First up is something that I get asked about by a lot of women who aren't in the industry, civilians, or civvies, as as we like to call them. And the thing is, a lot of sex workers have uteruses...uteri... uterusus I believe is the plural.
Holly Harte 4:57
Jenna Love 4:59
Uteri. And a lot of those uteruses shed their lining on the reg. So periods are something that many, not all, but many sex workers have to manage. And there's a few different ways we can do this.
Yeah, there's quite a variety of options. Obviously, there are a few workers who take time off, particularly when there's, you know, pain issues and things like that. Some will take a week off work once a month, or at least the first couple of days while they're in a fair bit of p ain which really causes issues with their plans
Or even just when it's a heavier flow at the start.
Holly Harte 5:36
all those sorts of things that come up. Yeah, look, it's it obviously, would massively affect their potential income and their planning. And just, I mean, that's a lot of money to you to lose over a year.
Jenna Love 5:49
I mean, yeah, it's a quarter of the year, isn't it?
Holly Harte 5:51
It's, it's a lot. Yeah.
Jenna Love 5:53
And then there are some of us who skip our periods. And that's, I think, applies to you, and I. Holly you're not, you're also not a fan of menstruating, are you?
Holly Harte 6:03
It's not for me, no, if I can have the option, I do avoid it. So I haven't had a period in over 8 years, I have the Implanon rod in my arm, which I get changed out every three years, I know there's quite a lot of men listening who probably don't understand it. And I'm not going to explain it in the deepest levels. But basically, every three years, I go and get this little hormonal rod removed and replaced in my arm. And that releases a small amount of contraception over that period which basically means that I think 20% of people that get this rod don't get periods anymore. But it's a thing. It's 99.99%, like, it's extremely, you know, strong contraceptive or reliable contraceptive. So, yeah, that's how I mitigate my period risk. How about yourself?
Jenna Love 6:58
Yeah, so I also I mean, I have, I will have the occasional period. But again, I haven't had regular periods since I was a teenager, I have the Implanon as well. And I also am on The Pill, and I skip the sugar pills, which are, so when you get a packet of the pill, there are placebos in there. And that's what you're supposed to take during the time when you get your period. And then you go back onto the actual medication for the rest of the time. So I don't take those those sugar pills.
Holly Harte 7:29
So that sounds a little bit fussy. Why? Why is that something that works for you?
Jenna Love 7:35
Why do I have both?
Holly Harte 7:36
Jenna Love 7:38
Partly because I'm absolutely terrified of developing a foetus inside me
Holly Harte 7:45
Jenna Love 7:45
I use the Implanon and the pill, and I use condoms, because I just want all of the contraception that I can possibly have. Yeah. And that's a bit and it also became when I started working as a sex worker. I was like, it's also really handy to just not have periods. Yeah. And for me the Implanon-- the first time I had an Implanon it pretty much got rid of my periods for two years, similar to what you have. Yeah, but then the second time I got one that didn't happen. It seems super hit and miss. And I know for some, some people who use it, like 20% or something as well, I think have like constant bleeding and ha ve massive issues so it's very--
Holly Harte 8:23
I have heard of that. Sounds like a nightmare--
Jenna Love 8:24
Very different depending on the person.
Holly Harte 8:25
Okay, that's interesting.
Jenna Love 8:27
So, yeah. And a lot of people, including doctors would question why I was using both.
Holly Harte 8:37
Jenna Love 8:38
And sort of suggest that perhaps it wasn't good for me to have that much oestrogen in my body and particularly with skipping the sugar pills as well. And then about two years ago, I found out that I have endometriosis. Which is a situation where you get uterine cells growing outside of the uterus. It's a whole-- it's a whole thing. And surprisingly quite common
Holly Harte 9:00
more common than people think. Yeah, I've got a lot of friends who are in that horrible boat.
Jenna Love 9:05
Yeah, so yeah, I discovered that I had that and that was through going to see a gynaecologist and she actually said to me that I had been smashing it because the the sort of the non invasive treatment that they suggest for endometriosis is actually to pump your body with as much oestrogen as possible.
Holly Harte 9:27
So coincidentally had been doing the right thing. Yeah,
Jenna Love 9:31
yeah, I had been doing the right thing. And at that point, so I mean, that was a good 20 years since I first got my period. Yeah, no, slightly less but I'd potentially been actually staving off the endometriosis and at that point, when I went to see her we discovered it and I had to have surgery. But what they, you know, she suggested that I quite possibly had actually, um yeah, kept it kept it at bay for ages. Made me feel good.
Holly Harte 10:00
Jenna Love 10:01
And they also recommend people skipping the sugar pills.
Holly Harte 10:04
Yeah, I mean, that's something I was advised to do by a few doctors before I went on Implanon. And but you know, back when I was on the pill, I was one of those people who was horribly unreliable at remembering to take it anyway, I was at a risk. But, you know, some doctors said, Oh, no, it's it's awful. And some doctors said, No, it's absolutely benign to just keep, you know, you don't have to have a period for most people anyway.
Jenna Love 10:29
So like anything relating to women and their bodies, there's a hell of a lot of misinformation out there, including amongst the medical profession.
Holly Harte 10:37
100%. And there's also a lot of things that we still don't know. And that, you know, science is still clarifying, and particularly around endometriosis. That's something that seems to be very under researched. So yes, hopefully, we're getting some clarity around that. So yeah, not everyone can take hormonal contraception for a multitude of reasons. It's not an option for everyone.
Jenna Love 11:01
Yeah, I mean, the side effects can be incredibly serious. So I'd say one of the most common options that I hear used in the industry is to use a sponge. And essentially using a sponge in this in this context mean, you can get period sponges, which are often also called soft tampons. But you can also use other other things if you're in a bind. And basically, it is basically a soft tampon, you maybe wet it a little bit, and you push it up inside yourself, push it right up to the top, and it it stops the flow, basically. Have you used sponges before?
Holly Harte 11:41
I never have. I-- to me, sponges, were always such a wild thing. Like what? Putting a sponge in your vagina? I always was so shocked by it, I-- look in a lot of ways I I've grown up a fairly naive person. And it was just I was particularly entering the sex industry, I was very alone in that. And I remember my first or my second brothel shift ever, I was really nervous. And I decided, you know, I couldn't do it. So I called up and told them I got my period. And they didn't sort of tell me "Well, you could actually use a sponge", fortunately, because it was a lie. And I was just trying to get out of the shift. But it was years later, when I was working as a receptionist in a brothel, that one of, you know, we sold the girls, which is a whole, you know, an issue I think that we sold the girls
Jenna Love 12:32
Let's get into that later
Holly Harte 12:34
Yeah, yeah, rather than providing them which would be the right thing to do. But we charge the, the, you know, the staff or the workers to buy sponges from the reception counter. So I became more aware of their function then. And yeah, you know, it's because I've been on and off in the sex industry. And I've never really been in it at a time when I was, you know, having periods. It's never been something I've had to use. But I certainly worked in a brothel on reception and had workers come to me and say, Oh, my God, Holly, I can't get this out. Can you help me? Which was a new, a new thing.
Jenna Love 13:12
So one brothel that I worked at didn't have proper sponges, sponges that are designed for that purpose. They had a, you know, one of those like big yellow car wash sponges. I don't know if that's just an Aussie thing. Or if it's just a thing my dad used growing up, but they had one of those in the cupboard. And if you got desperate, you could tear off a piece. Which I'm sure isn't, you know, hygienic or healthy. But when you get desperate, you got to you know, you got to do what you got to do.
Holly Harte 13:43
I mean, it's not that big a deal. But for a brothel that seems
Jenna Love 13:46
Yeah, brothel stories. Let's cover that later.
Holly Harte 13:49
Jenna Love 13:50
You would, you would think-- there's a lot of things you would think
Holly Harte 13:52
You would reallyg nk they'd go to a little bit more effort to prepare for the workers., but wow they've just got like a car sponge. There you go guys. Good luck, you know. A
Jenna Love 14:00
Yep and you just tear a bit off
Holly Harte 14:02
There's a little bit of vegetable oil for lube as well if you want. I mean, it just feels so disorganised. Wow.
Jenna Love 14:10
Because they usually have vegetable oil laying around in brothels.
Holly Harte 14:14
Oh look the things you find in brothels that other than what you actually need
Jenna Love 14:18
Holly Harte 14:19
there's all sorts of chaos.
Jenna Love 14:21
That's very true.
Holly Harte 14:22
Yeah, it was it was really sweet having workers come to me and sort of say that they needed help removing a sponge. It's a lot of trust to come to someone and say, "Hi, I'm having a hard time getting that out of me. Can you help me? Can you help me" and I was always Yes.
Jenna Love 14:36
Because it can be quite difficult.
Holly Harte 14:37
It's Yeah, I've heard it sort of--
Jenna Love 14:39
I've done a few a few removals
Holly Harte 14:41
Extractions. But yeah, it's a big trust building exercise and not really a big deal at the end of the day. Look, it's a normal human bodily function. And yeah
Jenna Love 14:52
Yeah, I mean, I have used sponges because even though I use the two contraceptives, often or not often, but maybe once a year I'll forget to take my pill for a day. And then I'm like, "Oh, well, I'll just let it happen." And every time I then regret it, I'm like, "why did I think that? Why? Why am I having a period" and I feel quite-- look, this is going into a different subject, but I feel quite disconnected from my reproductive parts. Yeah, I'm somebody I'm very comfortable with my gender and with my my sexuality, but the fact that I can grow a foetus makes me huergh, feel very, very uncomfortable. So having a period reminds me of that. And I just, I just don't, yeah, it's not a good time. But as a result, I have occasionally had to use a sponge, or I have chosen to use a sponge. I don't have to, of course, and I found them really great. I did have one that went flying out of me, which was pretty funny. I didn't actually notice. And the client was like, "oh, Jenna, I think your sponge is on there." And I was like, "ah!", I looked down and there was a sponge on the bed. And obviously I was embarrased
Holly Harte 16:01
that's very intimate.
Jenna Love 16:02
It is very intimate. This is it. And I've had a few that have felt it with their fingers when they've been fishing around up there. I think I've got quite a short vaginal canal so the good thing about that is I can get them out easily. I've never had issues with them getting lost up around there. And some of my friends vaginal canals seem to go on forever when I've been fishing around them trying to get it out. But I've not had that issue. And it has meant the clients have sort of been up to feel it.
Holly Harte 16:28
I've heard that mine goes right up to the left.
Jenna Love 16:32
They go either side
Holly Harte 16:33
Yeah. I went for pap tests. My doctor, sometimes has gone "I cannot find the end of it." And I'm like, it's right. And she's got to take a sharp left. It's a journey. Yes.
Jenna Love 16:45
Okay, alright, interesting
Holly Harte 16:46
Is that TMI? I don't know if that's -- we're talking about periods
Jenna Love 16:49
No, definitely not. We'll have to get a doctor on at some point.
Holly Harte 16:52
Yeah, we will. So that's a plus that yours is accessible.
Jenna Love 16:55
Yeah. So yeah, I have had clients, you know, notice that I've that I've been using one or but you know, notice, because it's literally there in front of them.
Holly Harte 17:04
Jenna Love 17:04
most of the time they don't have that experience. But every--I've been quite lucky, because every single time that's happened, the client has been like, "it's completely fine".
Holly Harte 17:14
Jenna Love 17:15
"I understand that--that women menstruate like, yeah, it's cool, man",
Holly Harte 17:19
you're a human being.
Jenna Love 17:20
And I'm a little bit embarrassed. But I'm also like, "Well, yeah, that's it, man. Yeah, that is what happens."
Holly Harte 17:26
Yeah. And the final option is to do nothing. You can just go with the flow, you could even charge extra for that sort of thing. Everything's a kink, you know?
Jenna Love 17:34
Absolutely. And, you know, this is also--the subject of periods is also something that comes up when we have female clients. I really don't understand why sponges and other solutions aren't more common and known about in the civilian world. And I guess, I mean, you were one of the people who didn't know about them, either. I've had so many--
Holly Harte 17:58
I was shocked.
Jenna Love 17:58
Yeah, well, I've had so many female clients, sort of text me the day before or the day of the booking and say, "Oh, my God, Jenna, I've just got my period" or "my periods lasting longer than I than it normally does. And I'm really stressed. And do you have any? What do you guys do when you get your period?" You know? And I've been like, "okay, yeah, no worries, here you go, these are some options, I've got a bag full of sponges, I'll bring one with me, I can help you put it in and take it out if you need. But also, you know, I'll bring my black towels. So we can put those down. So you don't have to sort of worry about, you know, anything, seeing anything that might embarrass you. And also, I'm fine with it. Because I am aware that you might bleed. And that's cool."
Holly Harte 18:45
I also had a female client who was a little bit awkward about that. And she'd experienced some spotting. And, you know, she'd had other issues where she'd felt really embarrassed when seeing sex workers in that position. And I said, "it's just not really a big deal." Like it's if it's not a heavy, if we're not going to be doing sort of a horror scene looking scenario and it's just, you know, a little bit of spotting and things like that... We'll work with it. It'll be fine. You know, she offered to use a sponge and all that sort of stuff. And you know, it's-- I've done-- i'm sure I've dealt with more unique situations, than a very normal bodily function.
Jenna Love 19:19
Holly Harte 19:19
You know, as long as you're hygienic. That's not a big deal. Yeah,
Jenna Love 19:23
Holly Harte 19:24
Let's move on to butt stuff.
Jenna Love 19:26
Woo butt stuff! So what kind of butt stuff do you tend to come across in your work, Holly?
Holly Harte 19:32
I mainly do things with other people's butts-- I'm not a butt person. I'm actually a butt virgin, believe it or not. I have never had butt sex. I've been saving for marriage.
Jenna Love 19:44
Wait are you actually?
Holly Harte 19:46
I swear on my life. Yeah.
Jenna Love 19:50
Holly Harte 19:51
Okay, I am I-- oh, gosh, I feel a little bit... uhh a little bit coy at the moment, a little bit shy?
Jenna Love 20:00
Oh a bit vulnerable?
Holly Harte 20:02
I find it--Yeah, a little bit vulnerable, I find butt stuff really big like it's a big deal. I only have a very little, little, tiny little tiny butthole. And I find it quite, quite frightening. So I figure if I'm gonna go through that journey of trust, it's, I think with butt stuff it takes a lot of trust in someone else. I'm going to do that with the man who wants to put a ring on this finger. So that--
Jenna Love 20:29
Beautiful. You'll let him engage with your ring. or something. There's a joke in there about rings.
Holly Harte 20:35
Yes, yes! We'll put a ring on each of our appendages. Yeah, absolutely. So I feel really, really weird for having that thing but that's just my thing. Yeah, I don't mind the odd you know, butt attention on me. But ahh yeah I'm not a massive fan of it. I definitely will explore someone else's butt though. I can do a mean fisting on someone else's butt -- I get all sorts of, you know, butt plugs. Yes. We've done a holding hand fisting.
Jenna Love 21:07
Oh, yeah. That was romantic. That was romance, come on.
Holly Harte 21:11
That was romantic. Yeah, that was true friendship, holding hands and fisting someone at the same time.
Jenna Love 21:17
Oh and to be clear, the held hands were inside the rectum. It wasn't our other hands we were holding.
Holly Harte 21:24
Yeah, it was very special. So yeah, I don't mind, you know, doing a bit of butt stuff on other people. How about you? What's your butt situation?
Jenna Love 21:33
Yeah, I also do get involved in other people's butts. But they also get involved in mine. And you know what my view is that if you are old enough to want to put things in my ass, then you are old enough to realise that that's where poop lives. And if you go knocking on Pooh's door, don't be surprised when Pooh is home - like that's where he lives mate.
Holly Harte 21:57
I feel the same about it. I've heard people ask about, you know, enemas and all that sort of thing. And I totally, you know, support people doing that it's good for them. And, you know, I get that that's a big thing for a lot of people -- preparing for butt stuff.
Jenna Love 22:12
Holly Harte 22:13
But I think look, if you go poking around, but you got to expect some some some poop and I don't love it-- It's not what I'm looking for. I'm not going to burn the house down. You know, I've obviously prepared a sterile situation for that, you know, eventuality. So yeah, so like I said, there's a few different things you can do in preparation. You know, people eat certain things. Look, the most important step, which everyone should take is just washing your butt. I can't say this, like enough. Let's say it like 10 times in a row repeated after me, write lines right now, please, everyone listening, wash your butt. It is so overlooked. Grab a little bit of soap on your hand, reach back there and give it a good scrub. Because a lot of people I think just let the water run down there.
Jenna Love 23:05
And you might have to touch it. That's --
Holly Harte 23:07
you might have to touch your butt
Jenna Love 23:10
I wonder if it's because people are afraid to touch it. Maybe they think it makes them gay or something fucking ridiculous.
Holly Harte 23:17
I just don't know whether people are like, taught as children how to wash themselves properly-- particularly penises and all of that sort of stuff.
Jenna Love 23:25
Holly Harte 23:25
I wasn't and I you know, I think yeah, it's something probably people don't even realise that their butts are so dirty. So it's really important. Just a little bit of soap. Give it a quick scrub. Oh, beautiful. That's an exciting, inviting, butt. Every sex worker out there has had to deal with a client turning up who have just had a shower and they clearly haven't washed their butts. You go "oh, God help me."
Jenna Love 23:50
You can visually see it is what we're saying. And we've all had at least one client who has left skid marks on the bedsheets.
Holly Harte 23:58
Jenna Love 23:59
Like if you're a sex worker, and you haven't had that happen, I'm sorry to tell you that it is on its way. It will happen to you.
Holly Harte 24:06
It's on its way. It's so embarrassing. I've scrambled to pull sheets off the bed sometimes and I've said "Oh god I'm embarrassed for them." And I'm talked about it with friends and they've gone "No, let them suffer."
Jenna Love 24:17
Yeah no I always cover it up. I hope they don't notice because I don't want them to have to deal with the shame of that which they shouldn't have to feel shame about. But I mean, if they haven't, of course, if we're doing butt stuff yet then they shouldn't feel shame about it. But if we aren't doing butt stuff I don't understand why poop is leaving your body.
Holly Harte 24:36
Yeah, if you just have a generally grubby butt it's not great.
Jenna Love 24:39
Holly Harte 24:40
We've just shoved you in the shower, you know, rub behind your ears, rub your butt, pull back your foreskin, give everything a quick freshen up. We've just spent two hours getting ready for you, you know, just meet us halfway, you know, not asking much.
Jenna Love 24:52
And I mean, it's not well, it's still not pleasant for you.
Holly Harte 24:55
Yeah, for me, it's not too stressful. And I guess one the reasons I'm such a big fan of, you know doing things to other people's butts is I don't have a sense of smell. So I was born without it, which is called congenital anosmia. So I have never smelt poop before. So to me poop is just not appealing to look at. I've never smelt it, don't know what it's like so...
Jenna Love 25:18
I've never so lucky, Holly, the world smells disgusting. You are so lucky.
Holly Harte 25:23
People used to tell me that when I worked in a brothel, they were like, "you are so lucky that you don't have to smell certain bodily things with with some of the clients. And maybe that's why you love the job so much". And I was like, "I think that's a lot more to why I love this job, than my lack of sense of smell", but it definitely I think makes certain things easier. And you know, it's beautiful. I've had clients turn up and they're like, I went to so much trouble to not eat this today. So you wouldn't have to smell it on my breath. I did this activity and I had washed really well. And I was like, "oh God babe, turn up stinking I do not care. As long as you're clean, you know, eat the garlic, you know, go to work with paint fumes, or whatever it is, because I won't even know". They're really cute about it.
Jenna Love 26:02
what you're saying is I should send all my smelly clients to you
Holly Harte 26:05
send them to me. Now I don't mind a smelly person as long as they're clean. No worries. What about you any any little niche stories here?
Jenna Love 26:15
Oh, actually, it's not super, I don't know, if it's related. Might go on a bit of a tangent bear with me, we'll cut it out if it's terrible. But this made me think about -- as part of one of my hobbies that I do outside of the sex industry. I'm trying to how do I describe it without giving away all the details of it! Basically, there's, there's a whole bunch of people around and it involves a fair bit of standing around and chatting and whatever and a bit of downtime. So I was just sitting at a desk. And right next to me, there was a little group of people having a chat and one of the women there-- her day job is as a nurse. And they were all just standing around talking about her work. And they were sort of they were saying "Do you have to like, you know, do people wee themselves sometimes? Do you have to deal with, with poop and with vomit and all that sort of stuff?" And she was going "Yep, yep, that's all part of the job". And they were like, "Oh, my God," and they were sort of saying, you know, nurses, nurses do not get paid enough. Nurses don't get enough respect. Like, that's amazing that you do that. Like, and, and I agree with everything they're saying. There's nothing wrong with that conversation. But I had a real 'Poor me' moment, because I was just sitting there going... No one says that about sex workers. I deal with vomit and poop and blood. And we and you know, I have clients who aren't able to go to the bathroom, and I have to get a bottle out and help them do that. Like, and, and I just, and yeah, I mean, I don't want to take anything away from nurses, obviously. But it was just this real, you know, all these people know what I do for a job as well. And I just was like, No one's going to have that conversation with me.
Holly Harte 28:10
Jenna Love 28:10
And it made me a bit sad
Holly Harte 28:11
They have no idea that you actually deal with that extreme-- that extremity of bodily function.
Jenna Love 28:17
Yeah. And it's not like every day, obviously, which it probably is a lot more common for nurses.
Holly Harte 28:23
Yeah yeah yeah
Jenna Love 28:24
And we also on top of that, have to try and act sexy through it, you know, which is an added complication.
Holly Harte 28:33
If we have to do the stern and nurse routine that's like, that's a domme thing, that's extra.
Jenna Love 28:38
That-- ooh that is extra,
Holly Harte 28:40
Beyond just simple washing, like I was mentioning before, some people like to douce before anal. Neither of us are experts at all in that so we're not going to go into it. But preparation for receiving anal play can range from a few seconds to multiple days.
Jenna Love 28:56
Yeah, I have a friend who works in the industry who she does the full enima experience -- she eats a liquid diet for 48 hours before an anal booking, which is mind blowing to me because you couldn't pay me enough to have a liquid diet for two days. And you know, she charges accordingly - her rates for anal bookings are quite high and justifiably so. And you know, most sex workers who do offer anal on them or anal play, they do charge extra for it and they require advance notice because even if they are a quicker preparer, you know, it's still not something that you can just sort of throw on someone.
Holly Harte 29:39
So what do you do to prepare?
Jenna Love 29:41
Well, I actually don't do any prep for anal, like none at all. I mean, I like I try to eat well and I have showers obviously.
Holly Harte 29:49
Jenna Love 29:50
But beyond that, I don't do any anal-specific preparation. But at the same time, it's also something I've never guaranteed, anal sex in bookings, my body is not at all predictable enough for that. I've never guaranteed anything in bookings really, you know, it's something that happens when things feel right. And it doesn't if they don't, which I think is really the reality of a lot of sex work and a lot of sex in general. Yeah, you know, we're not robots, we can't just make our bodies do things on cue. So often, we have to adapt around that, whether it be periods, whether it be IBS, or whatever it is, and so does the client. Because the client has booked a human, being not a robot. And that's what they're getting.
Holly Harte 30:36
And then there's all the other little things that like to pop up just before booking when someone may be about to spend the next hour looking at and touching every inch of your body.
Jenna Love 30:45
And you like you just know that if you say slice your finger and you you've got to whack a big, ugly bandaid on it, that the very next client you have is going to be one that's obsessed with hands for whatever reason, and spends the entire hour 10 centimetres away from your like manky Band Aid finger.
Holly Harte 31:03
Hand! I've sliced myself down there before with a razor and I've sort of got -- not close enough to cancel -- but enough that I go "aw I'll put a bandaid on so I'm covering" and, you know, that's really
Unknown Speaker 31:14
And you spread your legs and you've got a big band-aid there! You know that that next client is going to be the one that's obsessed with cunnilingus though.
Holly Harte 31:20
Yeah, it's just Murphy's Law, isn't it?
Jenna Love 31:22
Holly Harte 31:23
So I'm a farter. So basically, this is a running joke with a lot of my clients.
Jenna Love 31:31
This is why we're friends.
Holly Harte 31:32
Yeah. It's a running joke with a lot of my clients. I generally-- look I'm not gonna say I do it every booking --but if you've seen me for like a year or two, I've probably farted in a booking and we've both laughed about it, or you've never come back. Because that's just me, especially when I'm really aroused and I'm bearing down down there is a lot of pressure. Sometimes a fart slips out. I'm sorry, I'm human. What can I say? I try to be sexy, I try to present the best virgin. virgin? I'm not a virgin! The best version of myself but sometimes I fart
Jenna Love 32:05
I fart so much. When I orgasm farting it is like part of the experience. Not always but a lot of the time. And I think it makes perfect sense cos we're like--you're spreading your legs and bringing them back together like you're letting air in. And then, as you said, bearing down when you come and when you're experiencing a lot of pleasure there's often like a pushing down
Holly Harte 32:28
Jenna Love 32:28
So obviously that's gonna happen. And I find like sex farts I think are different to normal farts. You probably don't know but they don't smell because they're just like an air in and out situation. They're not-- I don't know enough about farts
Holly Harte 32:42
My clients are too charming to tell me if they do smell so I'm grateful for that at least.
Jenna Love 32:47
But there's yeah, there's so many little things like you said the cut down down there, ingrown hairs are so common. Like getting a big juicy butt pimple. You wake up the morning of a big booking and
Holly Harte 33:01
I'm lucky I'm not a butt pimple people person.
Jenna Love 33:03
Oh I hate you
Holly Harte 33:03
I get em on my face though. They'll turn up and I'll have like a giant-- Yeah, no, I'm lucky I get the butt peoples. But I'll get a great big face pimple and I'm like hello there's a mountain. Would you like to go sightseeing on my face?
Jenna Love 33:15
Sightseeing! Or, or if you'd like I have a lot of problems with dryness and allergies. I'm like, I have reactions to everything. So I think actually the first time we met was while I was on a tour in Canberra. And I had this reaction. I still don't know what it was, but my face kind of broke out in this rash. And was just-- it was red. And I was mid tour and sort of thought "oh somethings going on with my skin. If I cover up with makeup, that's not going to be good for it. But at the same time, I don't want my clients to be like what is she got this red blotchy rash all over her face". So I mean, I just tried to put light makeup on and I dealt with it and it was towards the end of the tour anyway, thankfully, made sure the lights weren't too bright in the room. But um, but you know, these things happen-- cracked lips. I get cracked lips all the time. And clients might see that and go "is that a cold sore?" So there's all these little things that pop up
Holly Harte 34:11
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you know, injuries that happen as part of work as well. That's not ideal. I remember you had an injury when you were in the Northern Territory, which was--put you off work for a while. I don't know if we want to wait for another podcast to discuss that
Jenna Love 34:11
Yeah, I wondered if that would come up. Anybody that has watched the BuzzFeed videos mentioned in the last episode will know about that. I think we should discuss that in a different episode. Just because it's a bit of a story to really tell it properly
Holly Harte 34:40
Alright we'll save it. It was a bit of a story. Yeah, yeah.
Jenna Love 34:43
But yes, I did. I had a significant injury and I had to cancel a lot of work.
Holly Harte 34:47
Another thing we discussed as well as things like thrush and BV-- these are normal things that happen to vaginas sometimes. I went through a period when I was working in a brothel where I was always using the house soap And I constantly was getting thrush-- it was, it was a really glamorous time. So you know, you're obviously not supposed to put soap down there,
Jenna Love 35:08
or different lubes or different condoms.
Holly Harte 35:10
Exactly. But fortunately touch wood touch wood don't want to tempt fate haven't run into those issues in a while. So yeah, it's not glamorous, but these are normal bodily issues. You know
Jenna Love 35:20
a friend of mine is prone to Bartholin's cysts, which thank God, I've never had one. apparently, they, they, they're really difficult to get rid of, they sound incredibly painful. And it's basically a cyst down there. So it would make our jobs so difficult. And even if you get them drained, apparently, they have a real tendency to return and come back. And it just it sounds like it just sounds awful.
Holly Harte 35:46
Gosh, makes you feel grateful, doesn't it?
Jenna Love 35:48
It does. It's not the kind of job that you can, where you can go to work if you are sick or injured. You know, I think like, if you've got a bit of a head cold, you're a bit snotty, you know, you can probably still go into the office and just keep your distance from other people a bit. But we, like, we can't go into a booking and be snorting all over our clients. Like we just you know, we can't do that.
Holly Harte 36:12
It's not sexy
Jenna Love 36:12
No, it's not sexy. It's not hygienic. And it's certainly not the luxury experience that they're paying for. Just the other day-- a few weeks ago, I got a booster shot, a hepatitis booster shot--vaccine, basically. And I thought it would be fine. But then the next day, my arm was so sore. I could I could barely move it. And I feel like I sound like I'm overreacting. But it had a really bad effect on my arm. And I had a booking that day. And I had to cancel because I was like, ah, this sounds like it's such a minor injury. But I was like "I can't roll around in a bed without the use of one of my arms". I'm not like-- I can't do my job. And I had to text and be like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I have to cancel. It's because I got a needle yesterday", like it sounded so lame. But that's the reality of our job. If our bodies aren't fit and fighting. It's really hard to do.
Holly Harte 37:08
Well, I can sort of relate. When I had the flu shot. What was that about a month or two ago? That whole week? I would be lying on the bed and talking to clients. And I'd say, "Oh, can we just get out and swap sides? Because this arm is really sore from my flu shot?" Mine wasn't as bad as your your booster shot. But yeah, it's all those little unglamorous things that we deal with. And then of course, there's your mental health, which we should probably save for another episode. You know, it's also important because we have to be emotionally available for our clients. And sometimes we take on a lot of heavy stuff. And that can be really difficult if you're feeling mentally fragile.
Jenna Love 37:42
Yeah, absolutely. I think that's definitely something we should explore in another episode.
Somebody You Love 37:47
Jenna Love 37:50
So Holly, you last week, you mentioned that you had some misconceptions yourself about the industry before you started working in it. So I thought we should break one of those down today.
Holly Harte 38:01
Yeah, this is sort of coming back to that naivety I mentioned before, maybe it's not --maybe other people see it this way, as well. But this was my take on it before I entered the industry. I used to think that sex work, or working in the sex industry, would make you hate sex, and then not have any interest in it outside of work so that it would basically ruin sex for you. And yeah, just make it a chore.
Jenna Love 38:28
Or maybe take any romantic level out of it.
Holly Harte 38:30
Just taint it as a not pleasurable thing. Yeah, that was -- Yeah. And so I had this perception that once I became a full time sex worker, I wouldn't enjoy sex anymore. And I've always been a very sexual person. So that was a really frightening thing. To think that something that I loved so much might become not enjoyable anymore, which absolutely is not the truth. I am still as horny as ever. I still love sex with my clients. I still am sexually interested in people outside of my clients. I am. Yes, still super horny. So that was absolutely incorrect. And I think that goes for a lot of sex workers. I know I've definitely heard some of my sex worker friends say they've, you know, they're worn out or they're burnt out or they've lost a bit of interest in sex or, you know, if they're not getting paid for it. It's not as exciting things like that, which you know, different sex workers face from time to time. But the vast majority of my friends that I speak to seem to still have healthy sex lives and healthy interest in sex. So that's really cool. Yeah,
Jenna Love 39:35
That is nice. I think it's, it's interesting because, yeah, there you will come across people who may sort of say "oh when I'm having sex with people who are male presenting," which is obviously not all of our clients, but it is a large percentage of our clients, then they sort of want to be paid for it and they might be bisexual or pansexual. But they sort of get their fix of men from their clients. And so in their personal life, they're only interested in having sex with women or non binary people, which I y--ou know, that makes sense to me .
Holly Harte 40:08
Jenna Love 40:09
For me personally, I think, like, yes, there are certainly times when you might feel burnt out or, like if I've just come home from a tour, and I've had a lot of sex, and done a lot of work aside from just the sex. Yeah, I'm not going to run home and feel like having more, of course, like, I'm gonna need some downtime. But I do find that often, sex as a job can stimulate my private sex life. Like if I have a really hot day at work or really good booking. You know it makes me more and more horny, like, the more sex I have, the more sex I want.
Holly Harte 40:43
I find the same thing. Yeah.
Jenna Love 40:46
I think I'm quite-- I read about active and reactive sexuality. And I think I'm quite like reactive. Like, I kind of forget that sex is a thing until I'm doing it. And I'm like, Oh, my God, this is so amazing. And then I want to do more of it.
Holly Harte 41:00
That's interesting. I took a year of celibacy, about seven years ago, just to see if I could do it. Because I am such horny freak that I really wanted to see--
Jenna Love 41:11
What you just did it for shits and giggles?
Holly Harte 41:12
Yeah, Jen is giving me the funniest facial expression over Zoom right now. This horror. And yeah, I know, it sounds weird. But I just wanted to exercise restraint on something and see if I could do it. And I did. And it was, it was actually really good. I know, we can explore that another day in another episode. But I actually ended up not being horny at all. By the end of the year, I just wasn't that interested in sex. But then obviously, I said, "Well, I'm going to go and have sex now" and once I was I was off - and it built. And similarly, right now if I'm having great sex all the time. Yeah, I just want more. So maybe I'm just totally greedy
Jenna Love 41:53
On the flip side of that, however, it is the misconception. I'll throw another one in, you got a double bonus misconception episode, that we are all massive horn bags and want sex all the time. I can't tell you how many clients go, "oh my god, I feel so sorry for your husband. When he gets home from work, you must just jump on him." And I'm like, What? No. We've been together for 12 years. There's not much jumping that happens. I adore our sex life. But we're not like-- I don't just launch myself at people -- you're paying for me to do that to you. You know. And after a day of me having sex with other people, often I just want to sit on the couch and not be touched for a little while.
Holly Harte 42:37
Jenna Love 42:37
and that's you know, yeah, yeah. So I think the there's there's both extremes of it. There are certainly times when my job does make me go "Oh, God, I just don't want sex anymore"
Holly Harte 42:46
We're human beings!
Jenna Love 42:47
But that's always fleeting. Yeah, it definitely hasn't ruined sex for me.
Somebody You Love 42:52
Holly Harte 42:55
Okay, this week for Shit People Say I'm just gonna go through a couple of messages I've received. It's probably not going to be anywhere living up to Jenna's beautiful 'sports attic' thread last week, which was absolutely a highlight. But here's a couple that we thought were good. Okay, so I received a message when I had advertised a blow jobs only service. Blow jobs. Pretty standard. That's it. That's all you get. I got a message from a gentleman. "Hi. I would love to meet you. What does a blow job give me?" Which
Jenna Love 43:31
Holly Harte 43:31
I felt that was pretty self explanatory.
Jenna Love 43:33
Hopefully an orgasm?
Holly Harte 43:37
Just a blow job. That's.. I don't know what else you're looking for-- blowjob and a handstand? I don't know what he was hoping for with the inclusions. Another one, which I really liked was I got a question from a gentleman-- now just to explain to --Well, no, you know what, I'm not even going to explain it. This is self explanatory. I got a message from a guy saying "what is pegging?" And I said, "fucking you in the ass with a strap on" And he said, "How big is it?" And I said, "big" And he said, "No, thanks". So that was obviously enough to scare him off.
Jenna Love 44:13
You don't have to do it!
Holly Harte 44:17
I don't know what the answer was that he was looking for. I don't know whether he wanted centimetres.
Jenna Love 44:22
You know, I've had a couple of people contact me and say, "do we have to do like pegging" because it's listed as something that I will offer
Holly Harte 44:30
Pegging! I've had similar
Jenna Love 44:30
And they'd be like, "I don't want that". And I'm like, "that's fine, babe. I'm not--that's cool".
Holly Harte 44:37
We don't have to do all the things that I offer. And my final one for today is someone contacted me asking, "Are you available?" I said, "I'll be available at 3pm." They said, "Are you not available right now?" I said "no". And they said, "let me know when you're free". And I said, "Well, I'm free at 3pm" Like I literally just told you that. I don't know what--- at 3! So yeah, I don't know what that the intention was there. But yeah, three that I thought were quite entertaining.
Jenna Love 45:09
What about the swimming one?
Holly Harte 45:10
Oh, okay, well, that's a whole story. I did receive a message from somebody asking if we could go for a swim together. "I want to go for a swim with you, but I don't want to go to jail". And I said, "why would we go to jail?" And he said, "cuz you're an escort and I'm a client,"
Jenna Love 45:31
Holly Harte 45:31
I said, "Well, that's not illegal, you know?" And he said, "What isn't?" And I said, "being an escort or a client" and he said, "Yeah, but going for a swim is."
Jenna Love 45:41
Holly Harte 45:41
And I said how? I actually said "lol how?" And he said, "I don't know, because it's not like a booking". So how would that be illegal? Anyway, we never solved why he thought that was illegal and to this day I still wonder--
Jenna Love 45:55
Oh I need resolution on that. How strange!
Holly Harte 45:59
--what the crime committed is. Very cute.
Jenna Love 46:03
So sex work is legal. But you can't do anything with sex workers that isn't sex.
Holly Harte 46:09
Do not swim with your hooker. It could be like a gremlin thing. Like maybe they think, you know, as soon as we touch water police appear. I don't know.
Jenna Love 46:21
It wasn't during COVID was it? Like there was a lot--
Holly Harte 46:23
No this was like two years ago. Just a guy who who, yeah, thought that the handcuffs would appear as soon as we got in the water. Yep.
Somebody You Love 46:32
Jenna Love 46:33
So the final segment that we have on the show, which we meant to spruik last week, and we forgot about I think, is we wanted to maybe answer a question or two from our listeners each week. And it depends on how we go. If everything is getting a bit long winded, we might just have to do separate question and answer, like bonus episodes. But just keep an eye on our social media. We have Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Our name everywhere is @somebodyyoupod. And we will be asking questions because we'd love you to--basically where we're farming you for content. That's what we're getting at here.
Holly Harte 47:11
Yeah, we're using you do you like being used by us, you dirty boys.
Jenna Love 47:16
And she says she's not a domme.
And that brings us to the end of our episode. Now we mentioned last week that we have a Patreon where you can get access to bonus episodes, you get our episodes a day early, they will always be ad free episodes. And there's a bunch of other little perks in there as well. And we're lucky enough to have had a number of people sign up. And actually most of these people signed up before our first episode was released, which was--
Holly Harte 47:47
Jenna Love 47:48
We were both so incredibly touched by that --really put us in a good place to start and made us feel really supported. This is a totally new journey for both of us. So it really meant a lot. So we'd like to thank those people, we have a Giving Somebody who is Mal, we have two Generous Somebodies and they are Adelle and Bruce
Holly Harte 48:09
we have a few Very Generous Somebodies, who are The Alice grey, Pete, Spaceman Dan, Darwin, Steve, Timmy and Lachlan and two Extremely Generous Somebodies who are Aaron and PrettyInPink.
Jenna Love 48:24
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to the voices of sex workers. Please look out for us on Twitter, Instagram, and patreon name everywhere is somebody you pod as in podcast, and our Patreon starts at just $3 a month. And remember, Somebody You Love might just be a sex worker.